How do I forgive?

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on March 14, 2008 | Comments

“Pastor, how do I forgive someone who doesn’t even ask for forgiveness? How do I forgive someone who continue to crucify me to this day and who, when I feel like I have already forgiven him, would pop up from nowhere to create havoc in my life?”
These were my emotion-filled questions this afternoon to Pastor Larry who gladly accommodated a yahoo messenger conference with me. Indeed, how does one forgive? Is forgiveness something one gives freely, without questions being asked and without conditions being set?
Pastor Larry wanted me to learn forgiveness, the kind of forgiveness that lets go of all the hate, the anger, the miseries that eat at me and blacken my heart. I admit, I still have all that in me, I am still being pulled down by my own hatred for someone who refuses to let me live the life that is presented before me today. This person is someone from the past, someone whom I have committed fornication with for eight long years, well, actually, it might as well be adultery because of his status, separated or not, he is still married by virtue of the law of the land and of the law of his church. This is not the venue for the gory details of those eight years, the most important thing at this moment is the question that I am confronted with : HOW DO I FORGIVE?
Pastor Larry’s words were simple, he said that I must forgive for I too was once like this person, but I was forgiven for an even terrible sin. Yes, indeed, what right do I have not to forgive such triviality?
So there, this is my daily struggle now. To learn to forgive. I humbly ask for your prayers for me to find it in my heart to do so and to continue to want to seek Him and live this borrowed life for His eternal glory.

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Pastor Larry left me with these verses from Colossians 3, I will post it here for reference for those who also seek to have a forgiving heart:

Colossians 3: 2-14

2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

5Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.