Last part of a series: A doubtful heart

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on April 17, 2008 | Comments

So, I did not snap my head out of my neck because it isn’t really the wisest thing to do given the circumstances, but there was huge relief and, of course, guilt.

I felt relieved because it felt good to finally see that I wasn’t actually facing a blank wall after all. You know, there really is a huge difference between being blind when you aren’t really blind and being truly blind and finally being able to see. In my case, I was the former.

I mean, I kept looking for answers to really stupid questions and kept insisting on something that cannot and never will be a possibility when the answer to my worries lies just right in front of my nose – the Word of God, going back to it, opening it, reading it and living it.

And then, there’s that little guilt trip that I travelled to – ugly, messy, disheartening and pitiful place. Not much to see in that trip, it was all basically a balancing act between remaining guilty and not doing something about it or stepping up to the plate and dealing with the guilt. Of course, by remaining guilty and pretending not to be guilty would mean pride, which would still mean idolatry because I will be calling God a liar. Notice how these things all fall into the same pattern? Uh-huh, they all drive back to the same garbage- idolatry.

Well, needless to say, I chose to step up to the plate and deal with the guilt. Thinking about it all now, I could not help but be amazed at how equipped I am now more than ever and how easily I see these things which I would have never seen have I not been found. Isn’t that something that we, as Christians, should always celebrate and be truly grateful for?

Just this morning, as I was leafing through the comments section of my blog, I realized one thing which made me smile and praise my God and glorify His name all the more: The most beautiful thing with salvation is that it comes in this neat package where you just don’t get one item; you actually get the whole deal, I mean, you’re not just saved, you also have, along with it, a forgiving, accepting, patient, and repentant heart among others.

Which drives me to this conclusion: We are His soldiers and we are well-equipped for any war. So what’s stopping us from carrying out our duties?

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Uhmm, did I say this is the last part of the series? Hmmm… Doesn’t look to me like that, but we’ll see…