Snippets of life in the land of “calm”

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on June 10, 2008 | Comments

It is refreshing to be in the company of like-minded people after a gruelling week of battling it out and being in the midst of unbelievers.

Warren and I expressed this while we rode the bus to church last Sunday, and then Pastor Larry mentioned it, too while we were having lunch later that morning. I sat in my usual corner, beside two of the very important figures in my Christian life (my husband and my Tatay), staring at the wide open space filled to brimming with people who have become my spiritual family thinking, “yeah, this is a relief… I never thought I was this tired… Until now…”

Would you believe it? I am home, a fact that I once thought will remain elusive to my wanderlust character, and I should be doing the happy dance, yet, my heart is gripped with this unfathomable grief and a deep-seated fear that this seemingly perfect calm speaks of a foreboding war between me and the very people that I love. At this statement, I could almost already hear Tatay’s distinct laughter and now I wonder, what would a man of God and of such stature in spirituality tell me once I tell him about these emotions raging inside me? Ahhh, maybe I will find out soon.

For now, let me just be a mass of confusion trying to make sense of the things around me at the moment.

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Last night, I bowed my head in fervent prayer for the Lord to take away all the things that trouble me, I asked Him to prepare me for whatever will arise from our impending proposal to do Bible Studies and for Him to grant me the grace to accept rejection from the very person whose blood runs in my own – my Dad. I pray for the Lord to make me be gracious in my defeat, for after all, this is not MY BATTLE, it is HIS. I am merely sent to send the Word, but the fight remains rightfully to God.

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That prayer was also injected with “this is all happening for Your glory, teach me to keep that in mind and to stop from trying to get in the way of Your plans… Whether You bring them to repentance and salvation or to eternal damnation is Your choice, only Yours, and all I have to do is to accept with a gracious heart, for You alone are my Lord and I love You more than them.”

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Warren and I are slowly learning to adjust to provincial life. We usually walk the dog in the afternoons and bump into our neighbors who stop by to chat – a lifestyle that Warren didn’t grow up into and is experiencing only now. Sometimes, some neighbors can be too chatty and can be major turn-offs but I am glad that my husband chooses to see beyond that.

He never fails to tell me how happy he is to be experiencing the glory of God this way and I continue to thank God for giving me a husband who always sees the good in the bad. Most of all, I thank God for giving us the grace to remain zealous for the Word and for continuing to work in us, wherever we are.

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We also continue to thank God for making us realize what an expansive mission field we have here. We may not even know at the moment how and where to begin, but we are confident that this will be revealed to us at His appointed time.