We finally did it!

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on August 22, 2008 | Comments

Something really unexpected happened yesterday and today.
Warren and I were sitting out on the street yesterday watching some neighborhood kids play when from out of nowhere, I heard my husband whisper something. I thought I misheard him so I asked him to say it again, he shyly looked away and smiled. I prodded until finally he gave in, “I just wish we have a baby already” he said. My stomach caved in, my heart shrunk. I looked away and was immediately swept deep in my own thoughts… Yeah, who doesn’t want to have one? I am turning 32 this year and my biological clock is going tick tock on me everyday. I sat there looking at a distance, thinking long and hard about what my husband just said. And once more, I have to face my fears head on… The endless what if’s that confront my womanhood day in and day out and which I have already learned to shove at the back of my mind.
“Do you really want to have one already?” I finally asked.
“Well, maybe once the business is already doing good, then we can start consulting a specialist,” he somewhat conceded.
Warren and I have been together long enough for me to know when he is just saying it to protect me from getting hurt, one look at him and I knew that he’d be jumping all over the place with joy if I were pregnant yesterday. For the first time since we’ve been together, I felt his need to become a father and I felt the yearning of his heart to bring up a child in the way we both know would please God.
I nodded my head in agreement and resolved to start eating healthier, lose weight faster and maybe consider taking pre-natal vitamins in preparation.
This morning, we were at the hospital to have him checked up (he bumped his head last Sunday and it’s been hurting for days already) when suddenly he nudged me and said, “why don’t we get you checked by an OB now, too?”
I was like, “Huh??? Are you sure???”
Well, he was sure, so we did.
After a series of tests which included urine, blood, weight and blood pressure, I was advised to consult a specialist so I sent my cousin, who is also a doctor, an SMS to ask if he knows anyone. Fortunately, he does. He recommended us to a fertility specialist and I am now scheduled to return for an ultrasound – probably the first of many other tests… Well, we’ll see…
I still can’t believe we are finally consulting with an obstetrician. To be honest, I am both excited and scared! Excited to know what our options are, if we have any, and scared of what this new phase in our marriage might bring.
Once more, this brings me down to my knees, for God’s grace to come upon us so that we may be prepared for whatever result the tests will yield. I’m not sure if we are being hasty about everything, having just agreed to wait until the business becomes stable, but again, only God knows where all this will lead us to. All we can do now is continue to walk in faith and trust in His mercy and love.