Big Fat Negative

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on September 20, 2008 | Comments

I tested at 4am and as expected, it was a big fat negative. I should be locking myself up in the bathroom and crying my eyes out all day, but by God’s grace and mercy, He has granted our prayer to prepare our hearts if ever we get a negative result this month.

So here I am, at 5am, sitting here by my computer, with Bruce lying under my chair, feeling perfectly at peace and accepting. I have been repeatedly asking myself if I am at all disappointed and the answer is a big resounding “YES!”, but along with the disappointment is the hope that the next cycle will work and the strong faith and belief that He will grant my heart’s desire in His perfectly appointed time.

Discouraged? NO. Not at all. I may just have to be a bit peeved at the thought that this would mean another round of expenses for Clomiphene, Warren’s SA and ultrasounds, but hey, God’s provision will make it all possible and well, whose money is it anyway? Not mine nor Warren’s but God’s. We just have to hold on tight and allow Him to do His job.

I am looking forward to the next cycle. I believe the doctor will give me double dosages of Clomiphene this time and I pray that Warren’s Sperm Analysis will go smoothly, he’s having some difficulty with having to do it in the hospital’s comfort room which is sooo totally non-conducive. Aunt Flo has yet to arrive, hopefully she does today (well she is supposed to arrive today anyway) so I can start counting again.