God’s Best Gift Is Not For Me

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on September 23, 2008 | Comments

Sometime in May this year, I had the privilege of listening to a Dr. John MacArthur sermon (mp3) about motherhood and he mentioned something in passing which struck me and stuck with me ever since. Today, I would like to share those words here with the hope of extending comfort to those who, like me, struggle with the pain of unexplained infertility.

John MacArthur was talking about Hannah in 1 Samuel in this sermon:

Listen, ladies, not only do you need a right heavenly, or rather a right husband relationship but a right heavenly one, too. It’s needful that when you have some problem you go to the Lord with it. She vowed a vow, she said, “O Lord of hosts, O Lord of hosts, if Thou wilt…” and she began to pray.

Now what do we see in this right heavenly relationship? Number one, she had a passion for God’s best…she had a passion for God’s best. And you know what God’s best was? Children, children…the fact that she didn’t have children she felt…meant that she didn’t have God’s best. Children are an heritage from the Lord. She says in verse 11, “If You’ll just look on my affliction and remember me and not forget me,” and all of that means…give me a child, give me a child, give me a child. That’s why she wept, she had a passion for God’s best.

You say, “Are children God’s best?” Absolutely. People say, “Oh, I don’t know if I want to bring a child into this world.” This world is no worse than that one was for her. They are an heritage from the Lord. They are a blessing. She was not selfish. She didn’t want a child so she could prove her womanhood. She didn’t want a child so she could show them off to everybody. She wanted a child because she believed that a child was God’s best gift. She was willing to accept the responsibility. I say curse abortions for those are God’s best gift. A truly godly mother is not a reluctant mother. A truly godly mother is one with a passion for children, who sees them as a gift from God, a fulfillment of the divine intention for woman, not to indulge yourself and not to prove her womanhood but because they are God’s best gift. (emphasis added)

One of the most important reasons why this passage from MacArthur’s Mother’s Day sermon hit me is because it made me ask myself what my motives really, honestly, truly are for wanting to be a mother. Is motherhood, to me, merely a reflection of a completeness of my womanhood? Will it ultimately and purposely validate the essence of my existence on this earth as a woman? Does it merely put a stamp or a seal of achievement or of completion of my role as a wife and as a woman?

It made me seek and examine my heart deeper to know what my motives are for wanting to become a mother and for so long, and this I tell you honestly, but for so long, I have wanted to be a mother because I thought it is what will make me whole as a woman… because I thought that motherhood is the essence of being a woman and that without a child, I am useless and an utter failure. Sadly, that is just about how far I can go with my reason for wanting to conceive and bring a child into this world. How selfish.

John MacArthur’s sermon made me see motherhood in a different light, I was rebuked, to say the least, and now although I still want to become a mother, I have also come to understand the power and the sovereignty of God in my life, as His creation, as a woman, as a wife.

“And you know what God’s best was? Children, children…the fact that she didn’t have children she felt…meant that she didn’t have God’s best. Children are an heritage from the Lord,”… so where does this put me in God’s purpose and will? Is He withholding from me an heritage and if so, why? Why doesn’t He want to give me His best?

Well, children are God’s best, yes, but God has a purpose for each of His creations. It doesn’t mean that because He decided to withhold from me (or from anyone struggling with infertility) His best then He loves me less, or cares for me less, or considers me a lesser form of and among His creations. It only means that being a mother, although is His best gift to women, is not the best for ME in light of His sovereign will, purpose and grace in creating me.

I know, it’s a tough thing to handle and even a tougher faith to believe in sometimes, but that’s just how it is.