Reality check

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on November 25, 2008 | Comments

The other day, Warren and I had a horrible argument about an errand which took longer to finish. I wanted to run the errand on my own but he insisted on coming along with me, so I said “okay”. Instincts tell me that it wasn’t going to be an easy errand to run and that to have him tag along might not be a good idea, but I gave it a shot still anyway. Instincts were right. When it became pretty much apparent that things are going to drag a bit longer, he started nagging me. Yes! He was nagging me! I know, would you believe it? I myself could not believe it, but yes, yes, Warren did nag.

He was “running his mouth” while we were walking on the street and I was beginning to feel volcanic, too! I wanted to also “run my mouth” and just get it over with but I thought about what good would that do to the situation? I just knew that if I’d meet his level of emotion right there and then, we would both go home with him barely walking, we would have finished the debacle with him beaten down to a pulp. I confess, it was a very very painful struggle for me to remember that I am the wife and he is the husband, that in all of what was happening it was him who is accountable to the Lord and it was so difficult for me as well to just continue walking with my head down while he was, well, “running his mouth” like a lunatic. As I have said, I was “volcanic” and if I wasn’t keeping a hold of myself, I would have erupted and everything would have been one great mess.

Anyway, so I waited until we finished the errand and got home safe and sound. Back home, I tried to calm my already fuming self and by this time, he too was already very very apologetic. He already realized that he said some things and MUST apologize. Well, I have not said my piece yet, so I thought I cannot simply accept whatever apology and peace offering he was making until I have clearly gotten my point across. Na-ah. No way. So when he asked if I am okay, I started my own litany.

“That was the second time you did that, one more, just once more and I will no longer think about the repercussions or of what damage it would cost, I promise you this, I will meet you head on right there and then…” I hissed through clenched teeth. From what seemed to be a fight that plainly involved heightened emotions and unchecked feelings, everything just came tumbling down on both of us until we realized that what we were going through was more than just an errand that has taken longer than usual to get done and a few hours lost on studying and preparing for the Bible Studies.

Warren and I have become so focused on ministry that we have lost touch of each other. We have been so focused on helping our neighbors and reaching out to other people that we have neglected our own family. We have been so “out there” that we have completely forgotten our own inner circle. On top of this, he is also under so much pressure because of work and finances. I, on the other hand, am under so much stress because of some family concerns (of which I will write about in a different post). Both of us have been dealing with certain issues on our own and we chose to let these issues eat us up instead of letting God handle them. What grave mistake!

I ended up asking, “What kind of ministry leaders are we? Are we even worth to be called to this mission? Should we even be doing this? If we cannot even do the basic things for our marriage, what makes us think that we can do it for the Body of Christ?”

Immediately realizing how much we have already been sinning against the Lord, Warren invited me to sit beside him and pray. We have learned so much from the incident and what is even more surprising to learn is the fact that all of it was so because of only one thing: PRIDE.

It is not everyday that we, Warren and I, bow down before the Lord with tears streaming down our cheeks, but that experience truly humbled us that there is no other way to pray but with tears accompanying our plea to God for mercy, forgiveness and grace.