Submitting Joyfully

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on February 16, 2009 | Comments

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands”. – (Ephesians 5: 22-24, ESV)

One of the most difficult lessons I learned in the last twelve months as a married woman is to have a joyful heart in following God’s call for me to submit to my husband.

You see, it is one thing to submit and another to submit joyfully.

I have written about how different Warren and I are, and on numerous occasions I have enumerated the things that make us different from each other. However, there’s one other thing I have not written yet about us and that is the fact that between the two of us, I am the one with the stronger personality and this often caused us major issues because it affects the way we deal with certain situations and our dispositions. Many times, I wish we did things MY way because I was more than a hundred percent certain on those many times that MY way was the better way. Of course it does not always happen MY way so when results tell us that MY way would have worked a lot better, I feel bitter about having to submit as part of MY wifely duty.

Submission to my husband meant retreating to the sidelines while I let my husband take over, of course my opinions and suggestions are appreciated but he gets to decide which way we go, so when we go his way, it hurts my pride big time because it always meant a double whammy for me – 1. he takes over and I scoot over 2. he makes the decision and I submit to his decision – and that is what irked me the most each time until I realized I was already becoming bitter and angry about having to submit. And yes, there were times I was aware that my submission to my husband was laced with anger, bitterness, misgiving and grudges, but I did not care.

Well, at one point during these last twelve months, I had to confront myself for feeling that way about submission. I had to ask myself why am I doing something I really do not want to do and something that my heart isn’t willing to be joyful about? It took a while, but by God’s grace and with the help of a few Godly women that I come across with over the internet (see my blogroll on my blogger blog for list of good sites for women) and even in church, I learned that submission to my husband is not just about letting him have the last word. It is about being gracious enough to find joy in allowing him to lead the family in a way that he sees fit and respecting, loving and supporting him no matter how things turn out.

I realized I was submitting only because I was duty bound and not because I love the Lord so much I am willing to keep His statutes. Yes, I learned that it isn’t really just about my marriage to my husband as well. Ultimately, it is about loving God and being obedient to His Word.

P.S. You see how much I had to use the word “MY”? Yes, that had to go as well… In addition to realizing that LOVE should be the reason for submitting with a joyful heart, I also realized that it takes two in a marriage. It’s not just about ME all the time. Self-absorption and a superiority complex are really not two of the best ingredients in a Godly marriage. I try and pray for the Lord to guide me everyday, because the truth is human depravity makes me fail most of the time. Like most of us, I too, am still very much a work in progress.

***Note: This article is my first entry to Marriage Monday, a Christian women’s group that blogs about the things they learn in their marriage every first Monday of every Month. The post was originally published at Zoe Grapho.