I really should just sit and shut up

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on April 6, 2009 | Comments

I really should just let things happen and quit getting in the middle of things.

Last night at church, Warren was tasked to share his testimony from reading the Word. This is a segment that our church launched in January where the Stewardship Committee randomly chooses 2 individuals every week to share his/her thoughts or meditations from reading the Bible. It is just a five-minute segment where from the Bible Reading Plan for the Week, you pick a verse or a few verses that you’ve read and which affected you spiritually and then tell the congregation about your reflections or thoughts about it.

It’s been a while since the last time Warren stood on the pulpit to speak, so it was not surprising for me to hear him say that he’s a bit nervous. I tried to calm him down as best as I could but well, he was really nervous and there’s not much I could do to alleviate that. When they called him up, I sat there silently praying for him. He started off with a nervous voice, but otherwise fine. He led us to Mark 1: 35-39, read it and started expounding on how he relates to those passages. I sat there listening for a good ten minutes. Then another five minutes. And another five minutes… And I was like, “why is he still up there?!?” I got confused and started looking all around me, they were all looking up at him but my mind was telling me that they were just pretending to be enjoying it, and just like me, I assumed that they were also beginning to wonder already why is this taking so long to be over and done with. I half-listened and half-worried that some members would criticize my husband for taking much of the floor and while I liked seeing him in his best element, I still did not like the fact that it was just supposed to be a five-minute speech and he was not being conscious of the time his speech was eating up. Not being able to take it anymore, I stood up, walked waaaay behind the crowd and signaled for him to end it already by gesturing with my hands. He did and I was more than thankful.

Little did I know that what I did hurt my husband. He thought I didn’t like what he was saying and my gesture struck him as not being able to meet my standards. So.Not.True.

After the Lord’s Supper and when everyone started shaking hands, several people approached me and told me it’s okay that he spent a lot of time up on the pulpit, his testimony was a blessing to them. A lady walked up to me and told me how Warren’s testimony helped her know my husband a little bit better and how she now feels she can approach him anytime because she’s realized that Warren is a down-to-earth person (she thought he’s a snob). Another shook my hands with a little bit more energy that he used to and with a wide smile on his face told me that he didn’t know that about us and Warren’s testimony was a blessing to him. From across the room where Warren stood, I also saw a few handshakes, shoulder taps and wide grins. Warren was getting rave reviews and I could not believe it!

Back home and once ensconced in the bedroom, I told him what I thought about his testimony. And in all honesty and love, I told him everything that ran through my mind during that thirty minute or so little escapade of his:

He was in his best element. He stood there like he was cut out for the pulpit and while he started off with a somewhat shaky voice, he embraced it and made a very fine connection. And his testimony? It’s all I ever wanted for him to tell the whole congregation for the longest time! He knows that, because often he’s heard me say how I wish he told them about his life, his background, when he was given a chance to share his personal testimony back in December. I have always known that my husband’s testimony is one of the best testimonies around and because of the trend in Christian churches today, I know that his testimony could inspire, uplift and edify once shared. There were many profound moments during his testimony, in fact, some of the things he said reminded me of a lot of things our marriage went through and survived and yes, to think that we were married only in early 2008. There was also a moment when I looked at him and thought, what a shame that there is no position available for him in the ministry, he’s good at it and could still be better. In fact and as a side note, he completed a circle of ironies of men in our church – our pastor as a man who’s been in the ministry for more than two and a half decades and ready to retire but cannot because no one will take his place, a doctor who is an excellent preacher and can be a good pastor but cannot because of a number of reasons, and my husband, a young man who knows that he can drop everything in a blink should he be called to pastor a flock but well, there’s just none available for him. Ironic, isn’t it? Well, I digress, but I shall write a separate post about that some other time.

Going back, I just really wished that it was not delivered during the “Testimony from the Word” segment where people expect to hear him speak to them only for a good five minutes or so. Was I being legalistic for reacting, thinking and feeling that way about the whole thing? I know, I am such a stuck up prude, am I not? Admittedly, I regret doing that. How I wish I just sat there and let him finish in his own good time and didn’t think of people in the church who might criticize him. Why am I so concerned about what these people will say anyway? Sigh, I don’t know… I guess I love my husband too much I don’t want other people to see anything negative about him. Well, lesson painfully learned… Next time, I really should just sit there and shut up.