“Complaining” without ceasing

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on May 29, 2009 | Comments

I realized that during those times I was far from my Lord, it became easier for me to fall into sin. Like I mentioned on my previous post, I failed to look into myself and instead focused on other people’s shortcomings. I could no longer count the many times I complained about other people’s irritating attitudes and/or the number of times I sat in silence observing a crowd and picking on individuals to criticize. I noticed every inconsistency, every wrong grammar used in every conversation, every unlikable attitude, every wrong choice of clothing, everything! I became a fault finder that I noticed even the most trivial there is!

I sat through every women’s group meetings in silence while my insides boiled with impatience and disappointment over how shallow, how intellectually and spiritually unstimulating the conversations were, how it could have been handled in a much better way, how someone else could have facilitated to make the discussion more productive and so on… Gosh, I was the queen of disdain and bitterness!

I saw the bad in everyone around me and I was always too quick to condemn and pass judgment, only to realize now that I am really actually no different from them. Well, thinking about it now as I write this post, I am actually even worst, imagine how many times I murdered people around me just because they happened to have limited theological knowledge, just because they like to talk about themselves, just because they “don’t really get it”.

Yesterday, Warren and I talked about this and I opened up to him what the Lord has made me realize about myself. I told him about how I now know just how “bitchy” I had been and how awful I feel about myself. I apologized for the times I made him listen to my ‘woe-is-me’ moments and how sickening it must have been for him to go through all of that. With a gentle smile, he looked at me and admitted it made him want to confront me many times but he decided not to because he knew we would only end up arguing instead of settling issues. “Was it really that bad?” I asked. “Well, yes, it’s not like subjecting yourself to hearing your wife complain endlessly about everything the most fun thing there is,” he remarked.

Yeah, I complained without ceasing instead of prayed without ceasing, what a wretched soul I am indeed! Yet, in spite of all this, the Lord still showed mercy and grace to me for here I am today talking about how I went astray and how the Lord ushered me back to the right path. Praise His Holy Name forever and ever!