Father’s Day Pity Party

Written by Zhey Chua |Posted on June 22, 2009 | Comments

We started out with the service wearing bright,happy faces, sang worship songs, sat through the preliminaries and yes, even through the whole preaching, unaffected and “just fine” except for that part when Dr. Supan said “we have here people who are unable to bear children and they cry out to the Lord, ‘Lord, Lord, give us a child and we will teach him Your ways, O Lord!’” which sort of surprised me and wrung my heart, like one would a towel, dry. Other than that bit, I was fine. Until I heard my husband sobbing beside me.

Back home, we talked about the many things that ran through our minds during our church’s Father’s day celebration and tribute. I thought about my own father, what he is and what he isn’t, what I had hoped he would have been and what he had been. I thought about my husband’s dad, who passed away when Warren was only five, and the post card he sent his youngest son while he was receiving treatment for lung cancer in China. I thought about the scribble on that now-sepia-colored card, and how in three short and playful sentences the man was able to convey his love and devotion to his precious son. I thought about how he would have been a great dad. I thought about the boys he left behind twenty-five years ago, and how proud he would have been of them and of how life would probably have been a lot easier for my husband and his brothers had he lived longer. And then, I thought about my husband, the man who cries out to the Lord, “Lord, Lord, give me a son, and I will teach him Your ways, Oh, Lord!” and how long it seems to be taking for the Lord to answer this cry.

Warren thought about his dad, and of how he was ‘deprived’ of that chance to have a father that would guide him as he grows and develops into manhood. And he thought about the child that he might never be a father of, and again of how he is being ‘deprived’ of the chance to experience fatherhood.

Oh yes, it was a pity party, all right. And many hours and many conversations have already passed since, yet, my mind would still wander to that moment I saw my husband covering his face with his hanky to muffle the sobs.

I pray for the Lord’s leading concerning this matter, sure we can go back to the specialist and complete the tests needed to know if we are capable of conceiving or not, and sure we can go to those accredited adoption agencies and adopt a homeless child, but would any of those two be His will for us?

I’d like for us to go beyond what we feel, beyond what we want and beyond what gaping hole this child could fill in our lives. I’d like for us to listen to what God wants for us first, more than anything, more than what pains we are suffering from in our childlessness and more than the void that our human minds are striving to fill.

May our hearts’ desire be His desires for us, if not, then we humbly and faithfully pray for hearts that are willing to submit with loving devotion to His will.