January 23

Written by Warren |Posted on January 23, 2010 | Comments

Last night I was not able to lead our devotions. We watched a movie instead. I have to confess, these past months we are undergoing severe trials. Probably the worst one in my marriage life. We have huge amount of debts to various individuals and groups. Some I cannot expect to pay back. Some are even Christians. Being in debt is the last thing I have ever hoped for. In fact, I despised credit cards, if only it isn’t a necessity in the world of internet transaction. Being in debt makes me feel that I am leading my debtors to commit the sin of worry. What can I say? How can I convince them that we are under the humbling wrath of God? The cause of our debt is too complicated to even write about, but I still want to confess, anyway, that because of my worry about our debts, I couldn’t stand up and lead the devotion.

I may teach others about not worrying but being in the middle of the storm myself makes me realize that my teachings are but knowledge that is about to puff up. I may know, by God’s grace, that I am saved and that in the after life I shall meet my Lord but having a first hand experience of this severe tribulation makes my flesh realize that my faith on my future state is but theory! I worry even if I am well aware of my secured salvation in Christ. Leading devotions in a comfortable circumstance doesn’t show the genuineness of my faith. My faith is definitely under trial. Leading family devotions is such a struggle for me. May God be gracious.